He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
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I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
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But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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