i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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