It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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