I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
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Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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