im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
too bad you live with your parents still
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
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he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
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came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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