I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
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