i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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