Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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