i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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