I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He felt like a one man threesome
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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