I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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