he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
This toilet bowl is my home.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize