Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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