please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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