The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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