im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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