on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
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My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
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Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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