after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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