oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
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Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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