My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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