Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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