Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
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I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
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So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize