Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
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My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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