i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize