Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
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while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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