think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
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I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
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No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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