I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
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Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
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He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
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