There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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