you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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