Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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