i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize