I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
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All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
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Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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