just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize