I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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