Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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