I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Houston, we have a squirter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize