There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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