Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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