just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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