i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize