So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Mom said you looked used
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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