he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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