Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize