last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize