Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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