I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize