I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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