You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize