I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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