I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
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I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
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I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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